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I've been wearing mascara every day since I can remember. I don't wear a lot of makeup at all. Just subtle eye makeup and a lip stain. I always hated feeling cake-y and oily. 


Yet, even with the little make up I wear, I somehow seem to feel totally unkempt and ugly without it. I haven't been wearing it lately because I'm with myself all day, I'm with my pain. I may cry out of no where. At the red light, in the bathroom, and sometimes even right in front of others. As I tear I quickly say, it must be allergies to the person standing in front of me, knowing that the first moment I have to myself I will let it all out. 


It's too much trouble to clean up a black eye on the move. So I've been without eye make up for quite some time.


Yesterday, my friend said I look really beautiful. I melted. Like, really!?!? Without anything on my face?


What if I am beautiful with nothing on my face? What if I don't need mascara?


What a life changing thought. All these little moments, memories of times people caught me without makeup, in my exercise clothes or pajamas and told me I looked pretty flashed before my eyes. I cried for her who couldn't receive that appreciation before.


I see now that she needs ME.