Four years ago, I was planning my wedding to a man I loved with every fiber of my being.
We had been close for several years and now we were two years into being “officially” together. Our relationship was full of obstacles from the start – prior relationship baggage, work, living on opposite sides of the country - but somehow, we managed to work through it and were closer than ever.
I downloaded Pinterest with the sole purpose of finding wedding venues, saving photo opps I liked, dresses I loved and every time I heard the song “I Won’t Give Up” by Jason Mraz, I knew I wanted that to be our first dance. How could it not be, it was perfect and completely symbolic of everything we had been through. After all, in my mind, if we couldn’t make it after all the hard stuff we had been through, what was the point of going through all of it in the first place?
I thought getting through those struggles made us stronger, more worthy of being together.
I thought getting through those struggles made us stronger, more worthy of being together. Battle wounds to show how much we loved each other and were willing to endure. The lyrics of this song burned through my mind as an anthem of us – him and me and how we wouldn’t give up. How we’d give each other the space we needed to grow, how we’d be patient with one another because WE were worth it.
“Cos even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No I won't give up”
But here’s the reality, we weren’t engaged, and he hated that song. In fairness, it wasn’t completely crazy for me to be looking into these things. We had talked about getting married and details of our wedding with his parents. I’m pretty sure the same weekend we had that conversation he had told his parents he was going to propose to me. He also told me on more than one occasion when we got into a big fight that he WAS planning to propose to me but now was second-guessing it.
Let’s just take a moment to let that sink in… Ladies and gentlemen, if your partner makes you feel like you are constantly needing to prove your value in the relationship or tells you they were going to do something that makes you happy (propose, take you somewhere, anything that they know you wanted), but then takes it away or doesn’t do it because you did something to f*ck it up – RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!! This relationship lasted a total of five years. In those five years, I had some of the happiest moments of my life, loved and felt loved in ways I never knew before and also experience extremely painful and confusing emotions.
I finally got the courage to end things right before our three year official anniversary. But like anyone who is in love, and experienced a lot of good in a relationship (in addition to the bad), we continued for another six months in limbo until he told me he had met someone else and I should move on. It was no longer my choice to stay in a less than desirable situation – he had made that choice for me when he found someone else. I was angry and hurt for a very long time. How could it be that this person I had been through so much with just decided to throw in the towel and start over with someone new?
What happened to –
“I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
the tools and gifts we've got yeah we got a lot at stake”
He eventually went on to buy a house and propose to this new girl over the next two years. It took a lot of time for me to look at this situation from a place of gratitude. I’m proud to say I’ve even seen them since and can honestly say she’s a lovely girl and I’m happy he found someone that is right for him.
It was my self-love in the pit of my stomach that made the initial decision to end things with him. But it was the gift he gave me of walking away (as painful as it was), that gave me the chance to start over without that baggage, the pain, and the feeling that I wasn’t good enough.
But this post isn’t about him, it’s about me.
But this post isn’t about him, it’s about me.
It’s about what I realized I was missing this whole time. Every time I would hear that song “I won’t give up on us” he would pop into my head and I would think about our story. Until the other day, when something amazing happened.
That song came on and as I was listening to the lyrics I wasn’t thinking about him. I was thinking about me. This song was NEVER about him, it was about me.
I was the “us” that I wasn’t giving up on.
I was the “us” that I wasn’t giving up on.
“I had to learn what I got, and what I'm not and who I am.” With tears rolling down my face as I belted this song on the way to work, I had a newfound sense of peace and gratitude and above all, self-love.
-Terme
To share your story, click here.
I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz
When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
So much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
Cos even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No I won't give up
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
the tools and gifts we've got yeah we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
for us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I got, and what I'm not and who I am
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
So easy is our life
What's mine is yours and yours mine
Hardly do we ever find
We'd rather be kind
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get dark
I'm healing this broken heart
And I know I'm worthy
I won't give up on us
God knows I'm tough, I am love
We got a lot to learn
God knows we're worthy
No I won't give up on us
God knows I've had enough
We got a lot to learn
And we're, and we're worthy
No I won't give up
No I won't give up