The ABC's of Self Love
Ever since I started this Self Love Movement, this is the quote that I keep coming back to:
"So many years of education yet nobody ever taught us how to love ourselves and why it's so important."
What I would do to go back and substitute even one semester of chemistry for calculus for a semester of self love. So much of the work we do as women is healing the wounds of our childhoods, because loving ourselves is something we simply we weren’t taught to do. Thankfully, together we are changing that, and I’m excited for our collective daughters to come into the world with the wholeness we’re now cultivating in this space.
Which brings me to this: I’m excited to begin sharing the ABC’s of Self Love, something we’re exclusively sharing with you, my beautiful tribe and newsletter subscribers. Because it’s never too late to learn how to love yourself. Never.
Authenticity & Abandon
To love yourself, you must first know yourself, which is why authenticity is so key. When we’re born, we are the truest version of ourselves. As we grow up, we accumulate a layer of dust: the dust of expectations, of responsibilities, of conformity, of trauma, of pain. This dust dulls our essence, our most authentic selves. How are we to love ourselves, when we don’t even know ourselves?
Today, take a moment to think back to your childhood self. That authentic, dust-free version that made choices from a place of love instead of fear, and instinct instead of learned behaviors. And once you discover that authentic self, imagine abandoning the dust, the stories, the self-imposed limiting behaviors and thoughts that have kept your magical, authentic self at bay.
Use it as your home screen image on your phone as a reminder of your most authentic self.
Write down all the things that represent your "dust" on strips of paper.
Burn them away (safely of course!).
Boundaries & Balance
Boundaries aren't just about drawing a line. They are about knowing yourself enough to know where the line should be drawn, and having the confidence and self worth to share and honor the line. No two people have the same needs. A boundary ensures that both you, and the people in your life, know what your needs are, and don't trample on them.
The thing about boundaries though, is that in order for them to really work, they must be in balance with two thing: flexibility and vulnerability (more on those when we get to F and V). Because your needs are constantly evolving, no line is ever absolute, and that's okay. When setting and revisiting boundaries, you'll know the line is in the right place if you feel in balance, rather than in flux.
Practice setting boundaries. Take a piece of paper, draw five red boundary lines, and for each category, set a boundary: friends, family, lover, work, play (because yes - even with play there are boundaries).
Friends: No therapy sessions for friends before 11am
Family: No attending events purely out of obligation
Lover: No silent treatment - if something’s wrong, we talk about it
Work: No checking work emails at home while the kids want to play
Play: No more than 2 drinks in one night… (hello thirties)
Now that you've set your boundaries, share them with the people in your life. Tell your friends they can't call you with their problems first thing in the morning. Say no to attending events you don't want to attend. You get the gist of it. Each time you honor your boundaries, your authentic self (remember letter A?) will applaud and thank you.
Clarity, Commitment, Creation, & Community
The first step is to know yourself, and to gain clarity about who you are.
The second step is to practice commitment through daily practices that honor your true self (think self care!).
The third step is to enjoy the sparks of creation (magic!) that manifest when you choose yourself daily.
And the fourth step is to create a community around you that supports your self love and commitment (hello self love sisterhood/tribe!).
Remember: Self love isn’t a destination. It’s a continual cycle of self exploration, love, care and connection. Wherever you are on your journey, let the four C’s guide you.
Clarity: spend 15 minutes first thing in the morning and 15 minutes before bed journaling in response to these prompts:
Commitment: Commit to one free act of self care for each day the rest of the week (stretching, dancing, meditation, cooking, face mask, digital detox...)
Creation: enjoy yourself today by investing time in something that feeds your soul.
Community: plan a girls night and make vision boards to honor your self love journey.
Begin the cycle again!
The Daily Dream
On any given day, chances are you have a To Do list, whether it’s written down in a notebook, exists digitally on your phone and computer, or is simply a mental load you struggle to keep up with. The question is, when you review that list, what percentage of it relates to transactional, oftentimes mundane aspects of your every day (pay bills often tops mine), as opposed to soul-filling dreaming?
Until recently, dreaming wasn’t on my list. And as a result, my spirit was slowly succumbing to the responsibilities of my everyday life. That’s where the Daily Dream comes in. A friend and I set a calendar alert for 5 pm every day. When it goes off, we are tasked with carving out 15 minutes to simply dream, and then we text each other what we’ve come up with.
Here’s some of what we shared about: an en suite washer and dryer, the desire to have sex daily (and actually have it), careers we love. Here’s the thing: once we started creating space to dream, our dreams started coming true. Not all, and not all at once, but once we aligned ourselves away from simply existing, we were able to transform our lives into lives worth dreaming about.
Set a calendar alert that repeats daily called THE DAILY DREAM. Invite your bestie to dream with you daily. Text each other your dreams, and celebrate each other for dreaming, and celebrate again when your dreams come true.