The One Who Is Her Own Knight In Shining Armor

The One Who Is Her Own Knight In Shining Armor

"I never post personal things on Instagram, but this is something close to my heart that I think could be important to share. I have struggled with my self-worth for as long as I can remember. I'll admit, I have wanted a Prince Charming since I laid eyes on Aladdin... and I've looked for him. I searched, scoured, and quested for a man to make me feel complete and beautiful and loved and cared for. I latched on to several unwilling and/or unworthy males, tried to push and pull them into the shape I wanted and needed like they were Play-Doh.

In 2014, I was eat-sleep-breathing any man who'd pay me attention. And then I met Someone. We were drinking buddies, then best friends, and then we dated for a whirlwind three months that felt like (I imagine) the life cycle of a failed marriage. 
That breakup in August 2014 sent me spiraling into a cycle of depression and overconsumption (of food, alcohol, and adrenaline) that would last a full two years. 

With the help of the most patient and loving God, family, and friends in existence, I crawled my way out of the darkness I'd painted for myself. After two years of hoping and praying that I'd be good enough for someone else, it felt like a light switch flipped. I looked myself in the mirror and said, "No more." No more holding on for dear life, no more begging for wholeness, no more. I decided that I would work to find my purpose, my beauty, my self. It is a daily struggle to believe what I know is true rather than what I feel I've been told by a few men/a few boys/society/myself for so long, but I'm trying. I am actively trying each day in the choices I make and the people with whom I surround myself. About a year ago, I found this business called #fredandfar from an Instagram post. They advertised the #SelfLovePinkyRing as "the anti-engagement ring," and I thought I want that. I vowed that I would get it for myself when I deserved it and could uphold what it stands for: "Make a pinky promise to choose yourself, honor yourself, and remember yourself daily." I realized that I'll never be perfect or get it all right, but it's never too soon to be my own knight in shining armor. So I bought it. 
And in true forever-commitment fashion, I wrote myself a few vows:

1. I will choose myself, my family, and the people I love every day. I will not sacrifice myself or those I care about for anything that does not line up with my values.
2. I will honor myself. I will celebrate and care for my body, mind, and spirit. 
3. I will remember the path I've traveled, and I will not repeat my history. I will continue forward. 
4. I will endeavor to treat others with respect, gratitude, grace, and humility. I will apologize when I am wrong without apology for who I am. 
5. I will live with the knowledge that the Lord will fulfill His promises, and that I am given a spirit of power, love, and self-control. (Luke 1:45; 2 Timothy 1:7)
This is my solemn vow. 


Connect with Amberlyn on Instagram! @amberlyn.r09