"A few years ago, after turbulent months of up and downs ending in a complete crash of my mental health & loss of a relationship, my dear friend suggested I make a list of exactly what I wanted in a partner. I'd spent so long not wanting to be alone that I had compromised on almost every aspect of what I knew I deserved and would be compatible in my life.
I wrote serious things such as ability to listen to me, willingness to try new things, won't give up on me when my anxiety gets the best of me, gets along with my family, will never make me feel like "too much," is proud of me and will stand up for me. I wrote how I wanted a partnership, not a one-sided unequal relationship. I wrote of all the hurt I'd experienced and turned it into "okay, this will not work for me and i will never ever tolerate it again — so what will I tolerate? what will I celebrate?" I wrote trivial reaching things such as: holisticish and willing to do their research, loves yoga, can sing.
Later that year, I purchased a Fred and Far Self Love Pinky Ring for myself. Fred and Far asks of you this: "decide that you're ready to choose yourself and to do the daily work it takes to make self love and care a habit instead of a luxury. The Self Love Pinky Ring is designed to be a reminder and symbol of this commitment and our community. The magic though, that transformative change, that comes directly from you."
Two years ago today, it arrived in the mail. I wear it every day. Twice I thought I lost it and was beside myself. It was this tangible reminder to put myself and my needs first. To not compromise. To not settle. To not fall into a trap of believing that something was better than nothing. To hold out for life-giving, magic love.
I don't think it's a coincidence that I spent a long time learning to love and accept myself and require the same from those around me before I met Lindsey, who has done the same inner work.
How humbling to sit here, two years later, wearing this token of love from my lifelong partner and this token of love from myself to me. How intertwined both are. How sacred.” --Sarah H.