Hi! Can share a little about yourself and what you do?
I’m the founder of Fred and Far: A Self Love Movement and creator of The Self Love Pinky Ring. I empower women to choose themselves and commit to practicing self love and self care daily.
Can you tell us about a significant heartbreak and how you recovered?
The last relationship I was in (before meeting my husband) ended in a fiery argument on New Year’s Eve. The warning bells had been sounding for some time, but neither of us thought it would end as dramatically and unexpectedly as it did. I gave myself a week to wallow, and then I doubled down on committing to myself. The next six months were all about me: reconnecting with myself, taking care of myself, and reclaiming my identity and happiness. The universe gifted me with the right person next, so I believe self love is what led to the right romantic love for me.
What are major red flags for you when you start dating someone new?
The biggest red flag is unavailability: both in terms of time and emotions. If someone isn’t calling (I recognize that might be a little antiquated, so perhaps I should say texting), making plans, or excited to see you regularly, there’s something wrong. If there is a wall up emotionally, and the person isn’t opening his or her heart and mind to you, that’s another red flag. And ultimately, if you feel like you can’t be truly yourself around this person, run.
What are your favorite mood elevators to uplift and inspire you?
Music, music and more music. Music is how I get out of my head and into my body. Whether I’m dancing, or just listening at full blast on my headphones or in the car, music connects me to my soul. It also inspires me to write, which is essential to my professional and personal fulfillment.
Do you stay friends with your ex? Unfollow or follow them on social media, etc?
I wouldn’t say friends. I think the dynamic between romantic partners is completely different than friendship, and for me one cannot ever fully morph into the other, no matter how much time has passed. If the relationship was positive, I do like to stay acquaintances on social media. If someone held a place in your heart, it’s nice to see that they’re thriving even after you’ve broken up (unless there was trauma or abuse in the relationship, in which case I advocate for delete and block!).
Any tips for our users on moving on from heartbreak?
For me, the most important tool for recovery after heartbreak is self love. Self love is the process of knowing yourself, being yourself, and caring for yourself. It’s about owning your wholeness, and your worth. It provides you with an unshakable foundation from which to give and receive love, and engage with the world. In the moments, days and weeks immediately following a breakup, I think it’s important to have a clean break. Delete the phone number from your phone, disconnect on social media. Perform rituals around getting rid of the physical reminders. Create space and the fill that space with yourself.